The Gift of Alone

Do you try to combat loneliness with busyness? Does the fear of dying alone leave you restless? Solitude is a harsh reality, but dare I say solitude is a gift.

I have spent this season of my life in a place of solitude. I tried to deter my loneliness with busyness, resulting in me being overwhelmed alone. While I wallowed in self pity, I was neglecting an intimacy call from the Holy Spirit.
You can't have intimacy without solitude.


"With the crowd dispersed, He climbed the mountain so He could be by himself and pray. He stayed there alone, late into the night."
 Matthew 14:23

"While it was still night, way before dawn, He got up and went outside to a secluded spot and prayed." 
Mark 1:35

Jesus's life was spent in the heart of the crowd or desolated on His knees before The Father. What does this say about Jesus? Jesus needed to be alone. Jesus withdrew from the crowd when He desired nearness with The Father.

God doesn't lead you out on your own to watch you helplessly wander. He mutes outside voices, so you can hear His alone. Isolation for the purpose of connection. Don't isolate yourself, but honor His call to intimacy, the 5 minutes a day you have to breathe or the last 5 years of your life.

Stop looking at your season of solitude as a lack of friendship, relationship, companionship and start looking at it as a time for Him to be sufficient. Solitude can become a stronghold for depression and anxiety to tightly grip, instead let it be a time of refreshing serenity with the Holy Spirit.

"Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted."
Ephesians 4:30 

Solitude may be but a season, but solitude is a gift. 


//The Perfect Little Christian

Four Steps To Healing

Let me state the obvious, heartbreak hurts. We will do everything in our power to avoid it. We are talking about the girl who won't get a pet because she doesn’t want it to die. I reject loving or being loved because I fear the aftermath of if I am rejected. People leave, people get sick, people die. Tragically, these things are unavoidable.

When my heart is broken I lay in a bed or on a public couch because I can't be alone. My chest feels like waves have crashed over me for hours, I can't catch my breath. My stomach aches from the snot and saliva that I've swallowed from an unwavering cry. I often throw up because my body can't handle the pressure. My eyes burn, my back aches, I go days without eating until the flu like symptoms seize and I can breathe again. 

After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

Step 1. Restore

Step one in healing includes being broken. The passage promises suffering for a little while. Don't make my mistake by trying to skip this step. If you are anything like me, being broken sounds terminal. I will avoid showing the emotion of desperation at all cost. In order to be fixed, mended, and replaced you have to admit that you are in a state of desperation. Hold tight to His promise "After you have suffered a little while, Christ Himself will...".

Practically: this step includes literally crying out to God, begging for His mercy. Screaming for the lifesaver before you drowned. Admit desperation and ask for restoration. 

Step 2. Confirm 

Step two to healing includes denying yourself. A victim of heartbreak often blames themselves for the result of the tragedy. "What if I", "I should have", "I'm not...enough". God promises to confirm. We scream "I'm not",  but He affirms "you are". Incline your ear to His affirmation. 

Practically: this step includes self discipline. We replay instances that we could have changed. This is worthless. Learn from mistakes, do not saturate with self condemnation. If and when you replay an instance that you regret or would change, take a mental note; how is God using this, or can God use this? Then pray, ask God to take it from you. Move forward. 


Step 3. Strengthen
I cower from truth because it hurts, I cling to instability because I fear rejection, I silence to avoid confrontation. Have the strength to be fearless. Embrace rejection, move forward during pain, stand firm to truth when lies flood. Don’t fear loss, accept change and use the strength given by God’s perfect grace to live without fear. 

Practically: this step is disconnecting from the source of pain, make personal boundaries. Don't let your heart incision scar bitterness, apply forgiveness. Heal with a battle scar, not a life festering wound. 


Step 4. Establish
This is the final step. Once you can breathe again; dry your eyes, stand firm. Establish your steps in Him. He is your identity, nothing can take your identity from you. Christ promises to establish you, His purpose is great. We lose, so that may we seek. Prepare your heart to continue to hurt. You can heal but still experience pain. A heart doesn't heal over night. Learn to live your life with a broken heart. You will be healed but you must continue to live. 

Practically: Open your blinds, get out of bed. Don't run from the beauty of loving or the gift of vulnerability because you fear death, loss, or rejection. Jesus knew that He would be betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter; yet He loved them fiercely. Love fiercely, forgive freely, live fearless.  

//The Perfect Little Christian

The Plastics

Have you been victimized by a mean Christian girl?

I am going to say something from Mean Girls and then translate it to something a Mean Christian Girl would say. You tell me, which is worse?--


"You can't sit with us." 
Translation: "I accidentally moved your bible from the seat that you saved, sorry!"  

"She doesn't even go here!" 
Translation: "She's new? She gave me a dirty look when she walked in. She seems stuck up."

"On Wednesdays we wear PINK."
Translation: "I wish I could pull off short dresses like you, but I'd feel convicted!" 

Which is worse? A sugar coated back stab doesn't make it  any less painful. If anything, is causes infection; an infection in the heart, oozing pain, anger, and eventually scaring bitterness.

To the person reading this saying, "Yeah, that's why I'm not a Christian" or "That's why I don't go to church." I want to personally apologize, I am so sorry if you have been personally victimized by a mean Christian. Church is a place of sanctuary, rest, a place you should feel uplifted, and loved. That's not always the case. Sometimes it's the opposite; you feel anxious, insecure, and jugged. But I beg you, please don't let a person who is supposed to be Jesus with flesh, turn you from Jesus Himself. 

   
To the Holy Plastics:

"You can't sit with us"-- Why? Does that person not "click" with you and your friends? Jesus sat with tax collectors and prostitutes. Do you think Jesus "clicked" with the tax collectors and prostitutes?

"She doesn't even go here!"-- Girls, this one is so easy! Just because she's pretty doesn't make her mean. Being pretty is a curse, you have fake friends and enemies without explanation. 

"On Wednesdays we wear PINK"-- You feel someone is dressed inappropriately so instead of telling them, we lie. we give a passive aggressive compliment to her face or we talk about her behind her back! Protect her dignity, air on the side of grace.

This is real. People turn their faces from Jesus because of our plastic faces. 
Stop being a mean girl. Uplift, encourage, be nice. 

 \\The Perfect Little Christian

"I Like" Not "I Do"

"I Like" not "I Do", I feel it should be a book title. It just needs to be put out there! "So we shared feelings, I totally like you. But just because I like you, doesn't mean that we are off to the little white chapel, buying a golden retriever, popping out four kids, and considering the possibilities of adoption." 

Christian, I have been there. You like him, he's a gentlemen, he smells pretty. You like her, she loves kids, she smells pretty. So now what? You want to do things the right way so you-- pray, "Ask God for guidance and direction". Then jump the gun and assume God is saying "yes" because I didn't hear a "no." So now you-- share feelings, the awkward and dreaded "Can I talk to you?" And you basically die inside until the words "I like you" emerge from his lips and you return "I like you too" Now you're thinking "this is the best day of my life."  Until---

This--

Quickly turns into this--

  

 Whether you decide to date or just "stay friends," the simple fact that you are both crazy about each other can easily cause things to escalate very quickly. You start to see that he or she might not just be crazy about you, but may actually be mentally unstable. 

He starts talking about how he hopes you are the "one" she is sliding "babies" into your casual conversation, he brings up how "you're going to be a great mom one day, she pulls the "when we get married" card. And to be honest, all that makes the other person want to do is stop, drop, and roll away from you. It's terrifying. 

"Wait, aren't you supposed to date for the purpose of marriage?"  There is a huge difference between getting to know someone and committing to a loving and caring relationship. You can't marry someone you don't know, that's why dating is important! Dating is supposed to be a causal way to get to know someone better before stepping forward to commit to a long-term relationship. An enjoyable process. No pressure. So please, CALM IT DOWN. 

 

 Acting like a psychotic, possessive, maniac, will serve the purpose of 1 of 2 things:

1. It will create a tremendous amount of pressure causing the person you care about to have a freak out. Being pressured into marriage before you are ready only ends in heartbreak. Chances are your  significant other has already thought about the possibility of your relationship going down that road, no need for the "what if you are the one?" Hence, the stop, drop, and rolling away from you. 

2. It will cause things to move entirely too quickly. I personally believe that vulnerability of your heart goes along with being physically vulnerable. If you have already shared your deepest darkest secrets and basically proposed marriage, but aren't truly ready for the truth of marriage; then where do you go physically? If you are both believers and following the call of purity then-- nowhere. But it puts you in a really awkward place because you have put out emotionally, but can't physically. It is just a really bad spot to be in, which eventually leads to compromise, and again heartbreak. 

It's hard, relationships are scary! You want to be in control, but since when do things turn out to their fullest potential when we have control? Delight yourself in the Lord, enjoy another's company. 

 Things to take away:

1. Stop being unintentionally frightening.

2. Learn to stop, drop, and roll away. 

3. Enjoy your dating relationship holding on to the excitement of "what if". Give God your "what if's" and sit back and relax.

\\The Perfect Little Christian